Tag Archives: friendship

A Poem for my Friend

10301515_10101125694356362_5792222484213705208_nMy beautiful, kind-hearted friend Michelle Monachino recently passed away, and I’ve been feeling miserable as I deal with losing such a wonderful beacon of light in my life. Michelle used to write me poems all the time (most of which made fun of me for being short or for enjoying editing), and I realized that I never wrote her one back. Ever. That’s definitely one of my biggest regrets, which may seem silly, but I just wish I wrote her a poem at least once. So I figured, even though I suck at poetry, better late than never.

Michelle, Michelle
I want to scream, I want to yell
At you, at strangers, at the sky
But instead I’ll opt for a heavy sigh

Could I have done more?
Should I have done less?
This whole situation has my brain in a mess

When we met freshman year
On Whitney’s third floor, full of innocent fear
You described yourself as a JewBu
And I needed to know more about you

Who was this cool chick
With big curly hair and a free spirit aura
I knew I had to befriend this girl from my floor

So we gossiped and had sleep overs and drank too much beer
After all, it was freshman year
There was that one party where I wore baggy sweatpants
A moment that you never let me forget

And through ups and downs in that first college year
It never escaped my sentimental attention
That you were my first friend at good ol’ Binghamton

By junior year you were living on my couch
Wait, did I say couch?
I meant in my bed
That is where you were actually living instead

Times spent together were always a blast
We danced and sang and formed a fake band
Jammed out to Backstreet Boys with our feet in the sand

Watched movies and ate way too much food
Did yoga and talked about all of our moods
We bonded over our varying worries
I knew I could always go to you when my heart was in flurries

We wrote in our journals e parlavamo in italiano
Reminisced about past moments that felt so clear
And entertained ideas of futures too near

And although we didn’t see each other in over a year
We both held our friendship ever so dear
Plus, we were connected through all kinds of digital means
And now when I miss you, I can pull your words up on a screen

These upcoming days are going to be rough
I’m fated to cry pretty much every time
I hear Britney or BSB make a clever rhyme

And if I see anything that resembles high fashion
Or a woman dressed with Audrey Hepburn inspired passion
I’ll think of the time Shana and I coached you for your audition
(America’s Next Top Model doesn’t know what they were missing)

The memories abound and feel almost overwhelming
But what I’ll miss most, it’s undoubtedly true
Are our long conversations, just me and you

You’ll always be one of my closest, best friends
That’s a promise I’ll hold till the end
And despite the fact that you’re no longer here
I’ll think back on our memories with nothing but cheer

I miss you, Michelle
There’s nothing more true
And please don’t forget that I’ll love you forever, too

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Talking to Myself

Do you ever have a moment when you realize that someone you interact with almost daily and consider a friend is actually a person who doesn’t know you at all? Perhaps they’re a coworker and only that, or an old college friend that you’re realizing you aren’t as close to anymore. The older I get, the more often I have these experiences and I can’t say that I’m a fan of them.

I love listening to people talk and I think that’s possibly how these situations became more frequent for me. Offering advice and an attentive ear has always been natural for me. I want to help, I enjoy helping. Being the person that people feel comfortable turning to for assistance is a personality aspect I’m proud of. I offer the best advice I can, and am constantly go out of my way to help others. But perhaps that is what made me into this ‘disposable friend.’

A lot of people who I consider friends don’t really care to talk about anything other than themselves. How surprising, right? But really think of some conversations you’ve had with the people in your life recently. Do you genuinely feel close to most of the people you speak to in your day? Does it seem like they want to know what’s going on with you, or want to offer you any help? Or instead does it seem like all they want to do is vent to you, going quiet once you decide to contribute?

I find that a lot of people I know aren’t as interested in the what is going on in my life. There aren’t follow up questions to stories I tell, or if I offer up a related experience to what they’ve said then I often receive no response at all. It isn’t necessarily the fact that I’m trying to communicate substantial thoughts of mine; it could be just talking about being annoyed that the trains were late. But there’s so many times where I let thoughts like these loose to be met with silence. Brutal, harsh ignoring; a slap to the face. Then that person can be expected to come back a day later asking for help or going on about their own life. I listen because I’m always interested and I love helping. But I’ve learned my lesson and closed my mouth.

Adulthood is a lonely place at times. Gone are the days when we’re surrounded by like-minded individuals which is both a good and bad thing. Good because now we can branch out of comfort zones even more than ever before, meeting new people and unlikely friends. Bad because we miss the simplicity and ease of not having our thoughts challenged.

I value the friends I keep up with still, recognizing who to go to for advice and who to give limited output to. It’s a tough lesson in socialization, but I’m glad of what I realized and for the better judge of character I’ve acquired from these experiences.

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