Tag Archives: love

A Poem for my Friend

10301515_10101125694356362_5792222484213705208_nMy beautiful, kind-hearted friend Michelle Monachino recently passed away, and I’ve been feeling miserable as I deal with losing such a wonderful beacon of light in my life. Michelle used to write me poems all the time (most of which made fun of me for being short or for enjoying editing), and I realized that I never wrote her one back. Ever. That’s definitely one of my biggest regrets, which may seem silly, but I just wish I wrote her a poem at least once. So I figured, even though I suck at poetry, better late than never.

Michelle, Michelle
I want to scream, I want to yell
At you, at strangers, at the sky
But instead I’ll opt for a heavy sigh

Could I have done more?
Should I have done less?
This whole situation has my brain in a mess

When we met freshman year
On Whitney’s third floor, full of innocent fear
You described yourself as a JewBu
And I needed to know more about you

Who was this cool chick
With big curly hair and a free spirit aura
I knew I had to befriend this girl from my floor

So we gossiped and had sleep overs and drank too much beer
After all, it was freshman year
There was that one party where I wore baggy sweatpants
A moment that you never let me forget

And through ups and downs in that first college year
It never escaped my sentimental attention
That you were my first friend at good ol’ Binghamton

By junior year you were living on my couch
Wait, did I say couch?
I meant in my bed
That is where you were actually living instead

Times spent together were always a blast
We danced and sang and formed a fake band
Jammed out to Backstreet Boys with our feet in the sand

Watched movies and ate way too much food
Did yoga and talked about all of our moods
We bonded over our varying worries
I knew I could always go to you when my heart was in flurries

We wrote in our journals e parlavamo in italiano
Reminisced about past moments that felt so clear
And entertained ideas of futures too near

And although we didn’t see each other in over a year
We both held our friendship ever so dear
Plus, we were connected through all kinds of digital means
And now when I miss you, I can pull your words up on a screen

These upcoming days are going to be rough
I’m fated to cry pretty much every time
I hear Britney or BSB make a clever rhyme

And if I see anything that resembles high fashion
Or a woman dressed with Audrey Hepburn inspired passion
I’ll think of the time Shana and I coached you for your audition
(America’s Next Top Model doesn’t know what they were missing)

The memories abound and feel almost overwhelming
But what I’ll miss most, it’s undoubtedly true
Are our long conversations, just me and you

You’ll always be one of my closest, best friends
That’s a promise I’ll hold till the end
And despite the fact that you’re no longer here
I’ll think back on our memories with nothing but cheer

I miss you, Michelle
There’s nothing more true
And please don’t forget that I’ll love you forever, too

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CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS…EVERYBODY!

tumblr_m2wwpzTzh91qlk01uo1_1280Recently I have fallen down the slippery slope of cat-ladydom and am not entirely sure how I got here. Everything seemed to happen so quickly!

I’ve always loved and grew up around cats. And when I say love, I mean that I was crazy allergic to and hated them for a few years. These allergies followed me through high school and into college; it was so intense that I couldn’t be around a cat for more than an hour or so without sneezing. Fast forward to present day me showing off cat pictures from my phone to any fool I could trick into looking at my screen.

I recognize that at some point in the past few years having a cat has become a thing. I know tons of people who have cats and have been told by many others that they don’t understand why everyone, particularly in Brooklyn, seems to own one. After browsing pretty much any kind of site with pictures, it is guaranteed that an adorable picture of a kitten will wind up on your screen leaving your eyes flooded with tears.

Currently I am at a point in my life where I can honestly say that I prefer dogs to cats still. And yet I find myself missing my cat when separated from her for more than two days. I’m sure one day I will be the person with four dogs, but they’ll have to get along with all the cats I accumulate on the way.

During my senior year of college, I realized that being single sucked and screw boys, I wanted a furry friend to cuddle up with at night. It was a point where I pretty much needed something, ANYTHING to love me back, so that was when I decided I would get a pet.

However I didn’t buy a cat because I noticed that other people were. I ran through my options in a responsible way, and during that journey, came to a few realizations about the type of person I am based on my judgments over certain animals.

  • Bunnies poop far too frequently for me to want to really touch one. Seriously. I’ve watched little pellets falling out of them as they’re happily hopping around unaware that they’re even having bowel movements anymore.
  • Ferrets seemed perfect. They steal your keys (aww!), are a maybe a little bit stinky, but I wanted one. My roommates said no for some reason though and I since haven’t revisited the idea. YET.
  • Dogs. YES! PLEASE! But I was not able to exert that much effort into raising and caring for a pup while working 30 hours a week plus attending college full-time. Like I said before, one day…
  • Gerbils and hamsters…I honestly don’t fully understand why people own these animals. I think they’re cute, but really I don’t see the appeal of having them as pets. I wanted(/needed) something that loved me, dammit, and these little furballs mostly made me end up feeling bad for them stuck in their containers.ava

This left cats, which were animals I wanted to love but was instead forced into an allergy-induced hatred of for the past few years. Then I met my little Ava monster and the allergies haven’t bothered me since. Maybe it’s luck, maybe it’s coincidence, maybe it’s the fact that she has long fur. After four years and it officially being my longest relationship with any other living thing to date, I call it a love based on fate.

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Valentine’s Day is for Everyone

378Some people get upset — and I mean upset — about being single on Valentine’s Day. They shame people for having significant others, or passive aggressively state how they don’t give a shit regardless. I’m choosing to look on the bright side for my situation.

Me and my boyfriend recently broke up. Like a week ago, recent. I’m probably justified to be a little upset today, and I honestly expected it. I fully planned to cry, mope around, avoid looking at Facebook so I wouldn’t see happy, mushy statuses. Then spend a night alone watching romcoms and eating ice cream cones. But here I find myself going through the motions of the day, and where I expected to feel miserable, I find that I actually don’t.

This holiday isn’t only for people who have a significant other. Valentine’s Day is a time to rejoice in love. Love you have for your friends, love for your family, love for yourself. If anything, going through a breakup has shown me that I’m surrounded by a whole lotta love rather than make me feel desperately alone.

Instead of dwelling and thinking of what could have been or wondering what things I did wrong, I’m prioritizing myself. What are the things that I want to do the most? Because in the end, that’s all that matters. Not what someone else says about me, not the false sense of security being in a relationship can give, and not if I’ll have a date for [insert random event here]. Before pursuing a relationship, I need to make myself feel safe and know that I can work through any problems alone. Otherwise I would be relying on someone else to make me feel good, and if/when they’re gone, I’d have a lot more to deal with than a broken heart.

So single friends of Valentine’s Day, rather than thinking of how unhappy you are that you’re single or wishing you had a person to spend the holiday with, I say just spend it with yourself. Let people in relationships enjoy Valentine’s Day, and enjoy it in your own way. Love yourself, because in the end, that’s the only person whose opinion matters and it’s the first person whose devotion is needed before considering sharing your life with someone else.

As for me, I’ll be returning some gifts and going out to dinner with my brothers tonight. And at night, I’ll fall asleep by myself — I won’t cry, I won’t worry if I’ll be single forever, and I won’t be counting my faults. With a Valentine or without one, I’m content. And I hope that you all are, too.

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